I deleted all my social media. Mostly.

 

 I see why people like these
silly zit stickers. 

I deleted all my social media. Sort of. Mostly. I still have BlueSky, which I took as a sort of less evil alternative way to get my news. I do post on there a little bit and repost a lot, but its main use and value to me is just as a news source. 

I redownloaded and created a new account in SnapChat. I'm not counting SnapChat though because I never used it in the first place, and right now I am exclusively using it to have a streak going with Sev for shits and giggles. Literally that's all I'm using it for. 

And I have communication apps that I don't really consider social media but are definitely social media adjacent in Discord and Signal. 

For the most part though, I am social media free, in the sense that you would think of posting on Instagram or Facebook (both deleted). 

I do miss the sharing and I do miss the writing and I find myself taking a lot less pictures. For better or worse the idea that I can share things and that someone out there might give a shit is an exhilarating feeling that I did end up missing. Not so much that I'm going to re-download anything else that I've deleted, but it has caused me to reflect a bit on how I've lived my life and what value I put in just....existing. Proving I exist? I think that's what social media did for me. If I don't put it out there, if I don't have some sort of log of my life, if I don't have some way to look back at what I've done, did I really even do it? Did I live it? I'm not great at being present in the moment and my memory is not great (likely due to PTSD), so those reflections from social media are sometimes all I had to know that I was a real person who lived a real life. Now what am I? What am I doing with my life? What did I do yesterday, that at the end of my life, I can look back on and said I did the thing? I did a thing? I did anything? 

Well, hello blogger, my old friend, anyway. I think this is likely the only place I'll actually post this, just here on this blog. I could share in BlueSky but that feels a little too attention-seeky so let's just post to the void here, and keep some of the proof of a lived life.

I've been going to therapy, really for the first time in my life in a serious way, and I'm realizing as well that I do need some sort of outlet in creativity. Writing is gunna be it I think. So far we've touched on a variety of diagnosis': Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, ADD or ADHD, OCD...and almost all of them can really be linked back to my one for real diagnosis I've ever received from a doctor: Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Still, it's interesting to hear about some of the branches of mental disorder that can come from the one issue. I'm doing what I can to get past all of it, and I do believe it's possible to do so. I'm over it. I'm over this person that I have been. I want to be someone else. I want to be a person I enjoy being around. I'll get there. Eventually. I'll get there, man.